A Woman Loved Read online

  “And deny you the pleasure? Don’t you remember how much you loved it? And, it’ll save you from having your eggs sucked out since you want to use yours this time.” I shivered still remembering that experience.

  “Yeah, that’s why. One day of pain over being pregnant nine months, not to mention delivery.”

  “Hey now, if I remember correctly—”

  She smothered my mouth with her hand. “I know. Everything was my idea.” She yawned. “It’s so late. Why aren’t we falling asleep?”

  “Life is so cruel, making us love each other.”

  “Should I speak to God about this?”

  “Please don’t. While I’ll be a fucking zombie tomorrow, I won’t mind one bit.”

  “We do have a full day.” Her voice was teasing. Or was she spurring me for more?

  “Are you saying we should close our eyes?”

  “You can keep your eyes closed if you want. That won’t stop me.”

  I was on my back in a heartbeat, with Sarah on top.

  Chapter Three

  “You look like shit,” Maddie greeted me in the kitchen.

  “Such a sweet talker.” I kissed Sarah’s cheek on my way to fill the teakettle for a much-needed cup of English breakfast tea as strong as I could make it to power through another day of Christmas prep.

  Sarah stood at the counter, with pen and clipboard in hand. “Okay, Maddie, you’re in charge of rolling out the cookie dough.” She plopped the gallon-sized Ziplock bag of cookie cutters on the granite countertop.

  The twins wandered the kitchen on their chubby legs, Freddie with a glob of oatmeal in his hair. “Come here, little man.” I leaned down with a wet washcloth. “Did Aunt Maddie feed you this morning?”

  “Someone had to take care of your children,” she defended.

  “For which I’ll always be grateful, and should I remind you that you’re their honorary aunt? Did you not read the fine print?” I gave Fred a hug, and he set off to the front room, tailing Sarah.

  Maddie eyed the back of Sarah and her two ducklings, who were hot on her heels. “What gives? I got tasked with baking, and she didn’t bark any orders at you.”

  “My secret powers.” I waggled my fingers magician-like.

  “Yuck. You two had sex while I was staying the night!”

  With a hand on my heart, I said, “Would we do that?”

  “It’s sickening, sometimes, how much you two love each other.”

  “Not sure I can change that to suit your needs.”

  “But it can’t be just that. Have you noticed how she’s been preoccupied? More than normal?”

  I hadn’t, really. Part of me suspected Maddie was fishing. For what, though?

  Sarah popped her head around the door. “Sweetheart, can I borrow you for a second? The angel on the tree is off-kilter.”

  As I marched by Maddie, she muttered, “I may have to sleep with her to get better treatment.”

  I shot her a nasty look.

  Maddie laughed.

  In the living room, Sarah asked, “What was that about?”

  “Just Maddie being Maddie.” I eyed the tree, confused.

  Sarah threaded her arms around my neck. “I wanted a proper good morning kiss, minus Maddie.”

  “My pleasure, and if you don’t mind, can you add one of these kisses every hour on the hour for the rest of the year?”

  “Just this year?”

  “Forever, then.”

  We locked lips.

  Longer than usual at this time of day.

  Not that I was complaining.

  Pulling apart, Sarah still held on, resting her head on my shoulder.

  Freddie cooed, circling one of the ottomans in the room.

  Olivia howled.

  We both turned our attention to our daughter.

  “She’s been hanging out with Aunt Maddie too much,” I said before going to Ollie. “How about you help me make some toast?” I scooped her up onto my hip. “Are you hungry?” I asked Sarah.

  She shook her head, already lost in her next task.

  Gabe and Allen arrived around eleven.

  Maddie had set up the kitchen table as Christmas cookie decorating central. White, blue, red, and green frosting. Sprinkles. Red hots. Three decorating bags with fine tips. Chocolate kisses. Small nonpareils. Crushed candy canes.

  Allen, my half brother, poked his finger at one of the bowls. “What are those?”

  Maddie answered, “Edible silver leaf.”

  Allen placed one on his tongue.

  “They’re for the cookies, Al.” Gabe, my stepbrother, placed a hand on Allen’s shoulder. “I’ll leave you guys to this. I hear there’s a manly task for me.” He beat his chest like Tarzan.

  Allen started to balk, but Maddie and I silenced him.

  When Gabe left the kitchen, Maddie whispered, “You’re safer and warmer with us.”

  “What’s Sarah going to do to him?” His voice was aghast, making it clear that even my youngest sibling had grown accustomed to Sarah’s party ways.

  “Do you remember the first time you came over for Christmas and the backyard was lit up with lights?” When he nodded, I said, “Sarah has quadrupled the amount, but we haven’t had time to set everything up. Gabe will be lucky to finish by midnight. And fingers crossed Sarah’s plan doesn’t plunge the entire Front Range into a blackout. Can I be sued?”

  “You had the electrician out?” Maddie asked, her brow creased.

  “Yep. Let’s not talk about the bill.” I mimed we should never discuss the topic again.

  “You really are pussy-whipped, you know that?”

  Allen nodded his agreement with Maddie’s assessment.

  “Please, you aren’t telling me anything I don’t know. Speaking of, we need to get cracking on these.” I waved to the supplies and then said behind the back of my hand, “Sarah has a whip and isn’t afraid to use it.”

  “I need hot chocolate first. It’s illegal to decorate Christmas cookies without it. You two?” Maddie looked to me and then Allen.

  “I don’t want to break any laws.” Allen smiled, taking a seat at the table, selecting a sugar cookie in the shape of a reindeer to frost.

  While both Allen and Gabe enjoyed guy-like pursuits, such as college football, they were both comfortable doing purported feminine tasks. Gabe managed one of his mom’s flower shops. Allen liked decorating cookies and had mentioned recently wanting to learn how to bake after watching an episode of The Great British Bake Off. Both comfortably floated between the two spheres as if they didn’t exist, and I suspected that was Helen’s doing. It made me appreciate Sarah’s insistence our children be themselves at all times. I wondered how Peter and I would have turned out if we had loving and supportive parents.

  Moments later, after each of us had a steaming mug of chocolatey goodness, Sarah marched Gabe outside, with her hand-drawn schematic of the Christmas light display. Gabe looked longingly at the cookie table. Allen waved to his sibling, while taking a sip, the marshmallow smearing his upper lip.

  Maddie and I laughed, sounding like maniacal holiday helpers.

  Rose arrived thirty or so minutes later, surveying the kitchen, and then peeked outside at Gabe on a ladder. She fished her phone out of her bag. “Troy, I think Gabe needs your help. I know what Sarah said, but she’s… Just come over, please.”

  “I think they need the National Guard.” Maddie speckled a Santa Claus with three white dots.

  “She’s lost her mind this year.” Rose stood at the breakfast nook window. “Shush, she’s coming inside.”

  The kitchen door leading to the back deck opened. Sarah stomped the three-day-old snow off her boots. “Mom, just the person I wanted.”

  Rose’s pupils tripled in size.

  Part of me felt bad for her.

  But Rose was on her own.

  Helen trooped into the kitchen, holding a silver oval basket containing white lilies, red carnations, some peppy white flowers I didn’t know the name of, ho
lly with berries, and gold glitter balls. “Allen, honey, can you help me get the rest of the arrangements out of the truck.”

  “Truck?” I asked.

  Helen rolled her eyes. “It’s best if you stay in here, or your mind will be blown, Lizzie.” With both hands, she mimicked my head exploding.

  Moments later, Allen stalked by with a red cylinder vase with holly and berries, evergreens, white roses, and lilies with red middles.

  “That one goes on the coffee table in the family room,” instructed Sarah, extending her finger.

  Flashes of color snagged my attention every so often as Maddie and I avoided Madame Taskmaster’s eyes every time she came into view.

  Troy walked by with his head hanging down on his way to the backyard as if marching to his doom.

  Gabe came in briefly for a cup of coffee, standing at the kitchen sink window, quietly eying his work or possibly the amount he had left. I gave him an attaboy smile. He stared blankly and resignedly went back out into the cold.

  “It’s possible my wife broke your boyfriend,” I whispered.

  “Yesterday, he was so excited about this project. I didn’t have the heart to warn him,” Maddie whispered behind a Frosty cookie she was smearing with pink icing.

  “Probably for the best. I’ll do my best to time our next child close to December twenty-fifth so she won’t have the energy for all this.”

  Maddie’s expression brightened. “All of us would be ever so grateful.”

  I laughed. “A Christmas miracle to preemptively save Sarah from breaking all of our holiday spirit in the years to come.”

  Maddie grinned, but it clouded over. “She may have thought of that and has already begun her planning.”

  My heart stilled, and I sucked in a deep breath. “Surely not. How can she manage this?” I waved to everything going on around us: cookies, flowers, lights, and everything I couldn’t see from my vantage point. “And another one at the same time. It’s a challenge for her to up her game every time, but double planning at once—I can’t fathom that.”

  “I know,” she said with grave concern in her voice. “We may have to hold an intervention or commit her.”

  Rose walked by, her cheeks flushed.

  A cry from one of the monitors compelled me to a standing position. “Naptime is over. You got this?”

  Maddie shrugged.

  Gabe and Troy trooped inside around eight at night, laughing and smacking each other on the shoulders as if returning from a grueling battle, relieved to have survived.

  “Ladies and Allen,” Gabe started, tossing his brother a ribbing look only brothers can share. “The Christmas magic awaits you outside.”

  Sarah and I bundled up the twins in their winter jackets and then shrugged into ours.

  “Before I flip on the switch to officially start Christmas, I think we need to applaud the woman behind everything. We may not appreciate her directions all the time”—Gabe winked at Sarah—“but she’s a true artist.” Gabe waggled one foot of each twin. “Your mommy loves you two this much.” He switched on the lights.

  “My eyes.” Maddie flung an arm over her face.

  Freddie, on Sarah’s hip, reached out with both hands as if trying to touch the lights, giggling.

  In my arms, Ollie was completely silent, for once, her eyes wide with a big smile on her face.

  Troy wrapped an arm around Rose’s shoulders, and she rested her head against him.

  My gaze swept over the massive Frosty tucked into the corner of the yard. There was a nativity scene. Elves in a toy shop. More Frostys spread out. Snoopy on his doghouse, which had lights. Santas in every possible pose. Rudolphs. Giant gold bells. Wrapped gifts. White lights were wrapped around the trunks and lower branches of the three oak trees. Colorful lights hung in the branches of the Aspens.

  Gabe wrapped an arm around Maddie. “What do you think?” He puffed out his chest.

  “Took you two long enough.”

  The air in his chest deflated some.

  It started to snow, the lights reflecting on the water droplets when they made contact on top of the twins’ hoods.

  The neighbor next to us flipped on their back patio light, which was useless considering astronauts orbiting Earth could probably see the display.

  “Perhaps we can kill the lights until Christmas Eve,” I suggested.

  Much to my surprise, Sarah readily agreed and headed inside with her mom, chatting about God knows what.

  Gabe and Troy watched everyone else retreat inside.

  I held Ollie closer to keep her warm. “I know it’s hard. All this work for a fleeting victorious feeling.”

  Gabe nodded as if stunned.

  Troy switched off the lights.

  “Can I buy you two a whiskey by the fire?” I asked.

  “That would be nice.” Gabe took Ollie in his arms. “I need a hug, baby girl.”

  Olivia happily obliged.

  I put the twinkies down for the night and stayed in the nursery, rocking in the chair, watching them fall asleep.

  Sarah joined me, speaking in the hushed voice we’d both mastered. “They’re completely zonked out.”

  I placed my arm through her legs, hugging her left thigh. “It’s my favorite time of night. Seeing them drift into dreamworld.”

  “You going to stay in here for a bit?” she asked. “Maddie’s making mulled wine.”

  “Sounds dangerous, especially knowing Maddie is in charge. You sure that’s wise?”

  “You know me. I like to live on the edge.”

  “Do you have a to-do list for that?” I whispered.

  She bumped her hip into the chair. “Everyone is making it clear I went slightly overboard this year. Earlier, when Gabe plugged in the lights… the planning didn’t seem that involved, but the lights…” Her voice trailed off.

  I pulled her into my lap. “Ollie was impressed. So was Fred.”

  “They are who I do it for.”

  “I know, and I think everyone understands. You might want to work on your barking orders style, though. Like bring it down a notch or ten.”

  She leaned into me. “I just want everything to be perfect. There have been so many changes in our family lately and… I don’t know.”

  “You feel pressure to hold everything and everyone together,” I stated instead of asking, brushing my cheek against hers.

  “Yes. I think you hit the nail on the head on that one.”

  “Not everything is on your shoulders. Let some of us help carry the burden.” I kissed the side of her head.

  “Now you tell me, after everything is almost said and done.”

  “Timing is my specialty.”

  “I’m going downstairs to make sure Maddie doesn’t burn the place down.”

  I laughed quietly. “You can’t stop the need to control, can you? And, how does one burn down a house while making mulled wine? I’m no whiz in the kitchen, but—”

  “Please, we’re talking about Maddie. She can cause major destruction watering a plant just for shits and giggles.” She kissed me on the lips to shut me up, not that I was complaining, and then rose. “Don’t hide too long.”

  “A few more minutes. I feel like I missed so much time with them during the semester.”

  Sarah stared at me with a funny look on her face. “You never cease to amaze me.”

  “When you start at the bottom,”—I held my hand to indicate subbasement level—“it’s easy to impress.”

  She pressed her cheek against the doorjamb. “Was that your plan from the start?”

  “You’re the planner, dear. I’m more the type who was treading water.”

  Her eyes darted upward. “Tell me about it.”

  After she left, I could hear the twins breathing, soothing my mind from all the fears rampaging my thoughts since Sarah and I had agreed to get pregnant again. Freddie’s birth hadn’t been easy. He hadn’t breathed on his own for the most terrifying seconds of my life. And the thought of anything happening to S
arah…

  I sucked in a deep breath.

  Moonlight trickled into the window, and I could see the North Star. I made a silent wish for a safe pregnancy and birth if Sarah became pregnant again.

  Standing, I went to Fred’s bed, kissed my fingertips, and pressed it to his forehead before repeating the action for Ollie. “Sweet dreams, you two.”

  Downstairs, I found Gabe, Maddie, and Sarah in the library, laughing.

  Sarah beamed at me. “I missed you.” Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes glossy from the booze. But I knew she meant it.

  “Me too.”

  Maddie got to her feet. “I’ll get you a glass of deliciousness.”

  “I’ll take another.” Sarah thrust hers in Maddie’s direction.

  I took a seat on the couch next to Sarah. “Did I miss anything?”

  “We were sharing Christmas memories,” Sarah said. “Poor Gabe didn’t get a guitar when he was seven, and he’s never recovered.”

  He rubbed his chin. “I could have been a rock star.”

  “Yeah, that’s the reason,” Sarah deadpanned, adding, “I’ve heard you sing.”

  He didn’t miss a beat. “So, you know I had potential.”

  “Oh, the male ego is truly endless.” She sneered.

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “You wouldn’t. That’s the problem.” Sarah smacked her own leg, hard.

  He showed his palms and them moved them back as if miming walking away. “What about you, Lizzie? What gift did you want from Santa but never got?”

  I cocked my head in Sarah’s direction. “I… I really don’t know. Christmas wasn’t really a big deal. Not for Peter and me. Mom went all out entertaining Dad’s business clients. Those Christmas day brunches are what I remember most. Not gifts.” I paused. “Was the holiday a big deal in your home?” I asked Gabe in a quiet voice.

  “Oh yes. We celebrated on Christmas Eve, and Mom and Char—” He stopped as if slugged in the chest. “I… I should help Maddie.” He rose and fled.

  “You okay?” Sarah asked.

  I nodded. “It’s weird. Most of the time I’m able to divorce the knowledge that my father had a separate family. Sometimes, though…” I hitched a shoulder. “I shouldn’t have asked. That wasn’t fair to Gabe. Morbid curiosity, I guess.”